Farts. They’re a natural part of life. Everyone does them, even if some people are slightly more open about them than others. You can get loud farts, quiet farts, short farts, long farts, all sorts of farts. And now, someone has decided to make a business out of farts – more specifically, sending jars full of farts to anyone you like.
But why Matt, I hear you cry? Why the hell would somebody create a business around sending jarred farts to people? Well, dear reader, I’ll tell you, because why the hell not?
You can get bacon sandwich scented candles, and you can send jars full of farts to your enemies. This is the world we live in, get used to it.
Send A Jart is the business in question, and for the low-low price of just $10, you can send a jar of farts, or jart, to whomever you wish. You may want to send a jart to your boss after they refused to let you take the day off. Perhaps you want to send one to your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend to let them know it’s truly over. Maybe you want to send it to your old school nemesis. Whoever it is, nothing says “WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, EH?” like watching someone you know innocently open a jar, wondering what could be inside, only to be hit square in the face with a hot blast of fart, right?
In the name of research, I visited the Send A Jart website to find out some more about this new business offering. According to the product page, for your $10 you will receive the following:
– 1 mini glass jar with snap-on lid
– 1 customised note (on heavyweight paper)
– 1 hearty, beefy-delicious fart smell
You also get your choice from a range of different scents, including “8hr Trucker Fart“, “Hungover Frat Boy“, “Competitive Eater“, “Vegan who tried meat again“, “Business-class airline passenger“, “World of Warcrafter“, and “A pug“.
So many tantilising choices, I don’t know where I would begin.
And as for the customised note, this is a nice tough. However, what is you didn’t send a note at all, and just left an element of mystery to the whole thing? Just imagine that, knowing your enemy is spending their day at work sat in front of their computer, racking their brain as to who they could have possibly offended so much that they would send a jar of farts to them. Spreadsheets go untouched, phone calls go unanswered, meetings are cancelled, all while this sad, sad individual tries to unravel your smelly mystery. And you can sit there, safe in your anonymity, quietly chuckling to yourself while they slowly start to lose their mind.
So just think about that, next time you use the last of the toilet roll and don’t replace it, or conveniently forget to give back that fiver you owe, or refuse to make everyone a cup of tea even though you know it’s your turn, I mean how hard is it to boil the kettle and make a round of tea, you know it’s your turn, don’t play dumb. Next time, you could be facing a jar full of farts. Just think about that.