All the things that are guaranteed to happen during summer in Britain

It’s so damn hot!

Supposedly, today has been the hottest July day since records began, so there’s something to think about while you’re trying to fan yourself with a magazine, drowning in your own sweat.

British summer time is a funny old thing, isn’t it? For the vast majority of the year, the country is bathed in miserable grey skies and dark, ominous looking rain clouds. Even when the summer months do come around, the weather doesn’t always improve in the way we all hope it will.

However, despite all of this, we do get a short period of time each year when the clouds part, the sun comes out and the temperatures soar. And by soar, I mean reach the mid to high 20s, of course.

Anyway, when the sun does eventually come out, us Brits know how to make the most of it. Probably because we’re never too sure how long it’s going to last. However, when the sun does come out and the temperature rises, there are a few things you can be absolutely certain of.

 

Public transport becomes a living hell

Public transport provides minimal amounts of fun at the best of times, but when the mercury rises it becomes a whole different beast. You can guarantee that on your commute home, the bus will be packed, making it even hotter and more infuriating than usual. Also, someone, or often multiple people, will stink, and there’s a 95% chance you’ll end up falling into someone’s sweaty armpit, which is just plain nasty.

sweaty train


Office dress codes go out of the window

Nobody wants to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours wearing a full suit – even jeans and a shirt is asking a bit much when its touching 30 degrees outside. Businesses will often be understanding and lenient during hotter weather, allowing a more casual dress code – some don’t, and maintain the business dress code all year round, which is never fun. However, people seem to lose all idea of what is appropriate in these situations and throw caution to the wind. Vests, super deep V neck t shirts, tailored suit shorts, shirts with any more than two buttons undone – all of these things look ridiculous, and should not be worn in the office. Everyone is looking at you, and not for the reasons you think.

suit shorts


Some people will still dress like it’s winter

There are a few different groups in society that will dress the same way all year round, never straying from their clan uniform, regardless of the weather. Chavs will still be bouncing around in their full tracksuits and goths/emos will still be rocking the all black everything. You have to hand it to these guys though, I guess, with their ultimate dedication to the cause. You keep doing you.

goths summer


Someone in the office will complain about the air conditioning

“Air con? Why the hell do we need the air con on? It’s not even that hot?” Every office has one of these people, someone who feels the need to sit in a sauna while they work, and drag everyone else down with them into their sweaty box of misery. “You can put that air con on, but I’ll be turning it straight back off again.” They’re getting aggressive now, standing up out of their chair, hands on hips, finger wagging. “Come and sit by my desk and you’ll see”, they say, before trying to forcibly move you over to their side of the office, where – surprise, surprise – it’s still just as damn hot. How about if the air con is making you cold you put a jacket on, don’t make the rest of us suffer.

angry office worker


Beer gardens across the country will be bursting at the seams

There’s something quite magical about drinking in the sunshine. I don’t know what it is, but you know I’m right. When the end of the day starts rolling round, and the daily grind is almost behind you, no word will put a smile on your face as much as “pint?” will. One simple word that can make you forget all of your worries. Finish your work and get down to the nearest pub for some glorious midweek boozing. Lovely.

beer garden


Supermarkets will sell out of disposable BBQs in a matter of seconds

I understand that we don’t always get nice weather, but surely it should be mandatory for supermarkets to stock up on disposable BBQs around May/June, just to be safe. As well as getting a nice midweek drunk on, us Brits love a BBQ when the sun comes out. Chargrilled burgers, sausages cooked to within an inch of their lives, some basic coleslaw, 6 pack of bread buns, disposable BBQ – the sunshine supermarket special. But what do you do when you get to the till to find no disposable BBQs? You’re not going to put your food back and eat a frozen ready meal like some sort of chump, are you? No, you’re going to search 5 other supermarkets before going home, begrudgingly cooking your food in the oven and and complaining about how supermarkets should stock up on BBQs every summer. It’s a tale as old as time.

disposable_barbecue


Men think it’s acceptable to take their tops off wherever they are

We get it, it’s hot, you’ve been working out in the gym for the past 6 months and consuming nothing but protein shakes to make sure you’re ripped for summer. But this isn’t the Costa Del Sol, it’s Manchester, put your shirt back on, you’re making everyone feel uncomfortable.

sunbathing


The media will compare the temperature here to the temperature in other countries

You’ve seen the headlines time and time again, you all know the ones. “Temperatures in London top those in Ibiza” “Mercury rises as it becomes hotter than Egypt in Stoke on Trent” “Cornwall becomes hotter than the sun”. Again, I understand that it’s hot over here, but let’s not get carried away. It may be hotter on this day than those places, but that’s a weird, one-off occurrence, when it’s particularly cold over there. Either that, or they just pick somewhere where it’s winter right now. Solid journalism.

London-and-Ibiza


People start playing music off any device possible

Stereo, laptop, phone, tablet, whatever, it doesn’t matter. The sun is out, you’re hopefully enjoying some BBQ’d meat and an ice cold beer, you need some summer tunes. Everyone has their favourite summer tunes, and I’ll happily and shamelessly tell you all to go and check out my Funky Summer Jams playlist. You’re welcome.

beach-boombox

 

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